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Hacks for Non-Verbal Active Listening

When someone is agitated or in distress, how we carry ourselves can make a huge difference. Non-verbal cues—like posture, breathing, and personal space—can either calm a situation or escalate it further. The following tips offer guidance on using body language to reduce tension, show respect, and create a safer, more grounded interaction.

Some things to keep in mind in terms of body posture or non-verbal communication that will reduce overall stress and agitation include:

  • Breathing—As discussed, breath literally tells the brain to calm itself. Remember to keep breathing as deeply and calmly as possible during the incident. Avoid holding your breath or breathing rapidly as these behaviors can increase cortisol levels and tension. This can take practice.
  • Try to always be at the same eye level. Encourage the person to be seated, but if they need to stand, you stand up also. Try to never be in a position looking down on the participant.
  • If possible, allow extra physical space.
  • Do not turn your back on the participant. This can feel disrespectful, may agitate them, and puts you in a more vulnerable position.
  • Do not stand directly in front of a participant. Stand at an angle, it is less confrontational and allows you to sidestep away if needed.
  • Maintain a full-leg “kick distance” away from the agitated person.
  • Do not maintain eye contact as this can feel challenging and may exacerbate the situation. Allow the participant to break their gaze and look away.
  • Do not point or shake your finger.
  • DO NOT smile. This could look like mockery or anxiety.
  • Do not touch, even if some touching is generally culturally appropriate and usual in your setting. Agitated participants may misinterpret physical contact as hostile or threatening.
  • Keep your hands visible and relaxed, not fisted or hidden.

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