In terms of verbal communication, it is most important that harm reduction staff or volunteers remain as calm and centered as possible during the event. Remember the primary purpose of de-escalation is to make the exchange safe for everyone by reducing agitation and tension. Some important techniques to do this include:

• Don’t personalize or be defensive. Keep in mind that the person is not responding to you; even if they are yelling at you or insulting you, they are responding to the situation and, more importantly, their own agitation and trauma. The participant cannot hurt you as long as they remain verbal.
• Maintain compassion. Despite the confrontational nature of the participant, they are likely reacting to fear or pain that have little to do with you.
• Maintain boundaries. Explain limits, rules, and consequences in an authoritative and firm, but always respectful tone. Give choices where possible in which both alternatives are safe ones (e.g. “Would you like to continue our discussion or would you prefer to stop now and talk later?”)
• Respect and meet needs whenever possible. There is no functionally useful reason not to fulfill a participant’s reasonable request, even if it is being presented in a rude, hostile, or belligerent manner.
• Do not argue or try to convince; give choices, empower, and maintain boundaries.
• Limit authority figures, but team up. Do not step into an escalating situation between participants and other program staff or volunteers. Instead, rely on them to handle the situation but stand silently, well back from the action, and observe and support them. Stepping in without being asked will only undermine their authority and make the participant feel as if you are “ganging up” on them. Observing calmly can help diffuse the situation.
• Don’t be judgmental. Harm reduction participants sometimes behave chaotically or have behavioral health issues, but it is the responsibility of staff or volunteers to be non-judgmental of this, in order to practice harm reduction and, in case of escalation, to de-escalate the situation. Judgment always breeds shame and makes a bad situation worse.
• Do not get loud or try to yell over a screaming person. Wait until they take a breath; then talk. Speak calmly, in an even tone, and at an average volume.
• Respond selectively; answer all informational questions no matter how rudely asked, e.g. “Why do I have to do this g-d intake?” This is a real information-seeking question.
• DO NOT answer abusive questions (e.g. “Why are all of you people (an insult?)”) This question should get no response whatsoever.
• Empathize with feelings but not with behavior (e.g. “I understand; you have every right to feel angry, but it is not okay for you to treat me or others this way.”)
• Do not ask how a person is feeling or interpret feelings in an analytic way. This may make them defensive and is not functionally useful.
• Do not argue or try to convince the person. Be concrete, set boundaries, and give choices.
• Wherever possible, tap into the person’s thinking mode.
• DO NOT ask “Tell me how you feel.” Instead ask: “Help me to understand what you’re saying to me.”People are not attacking you while they are teaching you what they want you to know.
• Invite criticism. Agitated people often have valid points and, if that is the case, being heard may deflate them, so agree with criticism where appropriate.
• Where possible try to agree, collaborate, or apologize. If you can meet an agitated person on common ground through agreement or apologizing, DO SO! It costs you nothing and may diffuse a potentially volatile situation which is your goal.