Obviously, this reflective technique is not always appropriate to the circumstances and to your needs or purposes. At times you may want to be more directive and less reflective in your interactions. You may want to argue, advise, or confront. Thus once you have learned to use the reflective mode of listening, you need to consider when to use it, when to shift from that mode to a more directive mode, and when not to be reflective at all. Here are some reasons and times for using this reflective technique:

• When you need or want to understand the other person’s feelings more completely
• When you sense that the other person has not yet revealed his thoughts and feelings about the situation
• When you sense that the other person is not sure of their true feelings

Thus active listening with reflective responses is often the first stage of an interaction. Then, once you feel you really understand the person’s perspective, you can switch to a more directive, confrontational, or persuasive approach. Here, you can lead as well as respond and speak from your own frame of reference as well as the other person’s.